So, I'm finally getting around to getting my driver's license. A bit late, I know... but better late than never. Or so I keep telling myself as I cry myself to sleep each night, thinking about that empty space in the garage.
Completing the driver's training program here in Quebec takes a whole damn year, so that gives me time to contemplate what kind of car I want. Not being rich (you bastards need to buy more of my books), I will have to get either an econobox or something used. Since I'm not a fan of things that scream "poverty" at the top of their lungs, a Hyundai Accent or Chevy Spark are out of the question. So a used, bigger car it shall be then.
I only have a short commute to work, but I'd like to travel a bit. I need reliability and legroom (being 6'3"). I want something good-looking, and preferably something that not everybody else has. No Accord or Camry, please. Gas mileage is also of concern; what good is a car when you can't afford to go anywhere in it?
So I began looking at Prii. A decent late-model Prius can be had for less than 12 grand; they look different, the interior has a nice sci-fi feel to it, and mileage is impressive. But they have no soul. They are appliances, like a microwave. Very impressive pieces of engineering, but there is no joy in them. Why would I want something that makes it decidedly difficult to enjoy driving?
Many people of course do buy a Prius, and then can't shut up about how they are so much better than the rest of us because you know, they are single-handedly saving the environment. That, however is a lie. Even if a Prius consumed no gas at all and were powered by the hot air escaping from its driver's mouth, it would never make up for the tremendous amount of energy and resources that are spent building any new vehicle. If you were to buy a used Hummer, a vehicle that already exists out there in the world, you'd be doing much more to save the environment than a guy who just bought himself a new Prius. A Hummer driver might indeed have issues with the size of his penis, but a Prius driver has issues with the size of his brain as well.
Of course, used Prii already exist and the gas savings would be nice, but I wouldn't want to be mistaken for an enviro-moron. Luckily for me, my casual browsing through various car auction sites revealed that one can now buy a Corvette C5 (1997-2004) for well under 20 grand... And Mustangs (2005- and up) go for below 10 grand... Why would I buy anything else? Why would anyone? I mean, if you've been afflicted by the terrible illness known as "kids", then you need something bigger. That is the price you pay for having cheaped out on rubbers.
Another option I looked at is hearses. Not newer ones, but older, body on frame, early 90's Cadillac monsters with rear wheel drive and big engines. They are only lightly used (the trip from church to the cemetery is usually a short, slow one), offer lots of space, and they're bloody cool. A black Caddy hearse, lowered, with a sound system and a mattress in the back (for uh, napping on those long trips) would be niiiice. But they're terrible on gas and difficult to insure. And spare parts for the bodywork are very hard to get, since they're low-production volume cars.
Ah, decisions, decisions. I got another year before I pick something.
Got any suggestions for me?